Potato

Washing some spuds, chopping them up Cooking my lunch (Jansson's Frestelse) Swedish Casserole But while I'm chopping, I drop a chunk and It makes me stoppen 'What in the hellse...' It switched my bluetooth on Did you know you can control your phone With a piece of potato? Did they mean for my LCD screen To be responsive to a root vegetable? What's the point of this functionality? Are they catering to potaters With opposable thumbs that can read? I can't help thinking that must be a pretty limited market But wait, now my brain is all like Maybe the CEO of Apple Tim Cook Is secretly a potato disguised as a human Who's worked his way up into the boardroom And he keeps trying to pitch features that are specifically Geared toward potatoes, and he's like "Greetings fellow humans" And they're like "I hate how he starts every meeting like that Typical corporate exec, can't remember anyone's name' And then he's like "I've got an idea for an app" "Okay, well, does it have broad appeal Because, honestly, most of your ideas have been unworkably specific" "Have you heard of Uber?" "Have we... have we heard of Uber? The most downloaded ride-hailing app in the world, yes, I think most-" "I'm just spitballing here, but what about Tuber?" "What's Tuber?" "An app that matches tuberous roots for the purpose of getting Freaky asexually" "Again, I'm not sure there's a demographic for this You know, it's kind of like your app for destroying all the peelers Also, as CEO, you shouldn't really be pitching apps at all It's, it's really more of a sales and operations role" Did you know you can control your phone With a piece of potato? Have you seen when it touches the screen You can Personal Hotspot enable (what a lucky vegetable) What a random bit of functionality (how strange) I wonder how it happened, hahaha it's a real mystery No, I don't think that someone could've tampered with the schematics (Epic solo)